Time for Christmas jokes - in fact, I have 2 weeks’ worth! Start telling them now!
What goes ho-ho whoosh, ho-ho whoosh?
Santa caught in a revolving door!
What’s the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the ordinary alphabet?
The Christmas one has no L (noel)!
What do you have in December that’s not in any other month?
The letter D!
Why is it always cold at Christmas?
Because it’s in Decemberrrr!
What Christmas carol is a favorite of parents?
What’s impossible to overtake at Christmas?
The three wide men!
Who hides in the bakery at Christmas?
A mince spy!
How many presents can Santa fit in an empty sack?
Only one, after that it’s not empty anymore!
What do you get if you cross an apple with a Christmas tree?
What kind of candle burns longer, a red candle or a green candle?
Neither, candles always burn shorter!
What happened to the man who shoplifted a calendar at Christmas?
He got 12 months!
What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?
Why are Christmas trees like bad knitters?
They both drop needles!
What often falls at the North Pole but never gets hurt?
What is the best Christmas present in the world?
A broken drum – you can’t beat it!
What do you get if you cross mistletoe and a duck?
A Christmas Quacker.
Why do mummies like Christmas so much?
Because of all the wrapping!
What's white and red and goes up and down and up and down?
Santa Claus in an elevator!
If athletes get athlete's foot, then what do astronauts get?
Who gives presents to baby sharks?
What do you get when you cross a cat with Santa Claus?
What's white, red and blue at Christmas time?
A sad candy cane!
What did Mrs. Claus say to Santa when she looked in the sky?
"Looks like rain, dear."
What did the Christmas tree say to the ornament?
"Aren't you tired of hanging around?"
Which elf was the best singer?
How do you know when Santa's in the room?
You can sense his presents.
What's red and white, red and white, red and white?
Santa Claus rolling down the hill.
What do you call an elf who steals gift wrap from the rich and gives it to the poor?
What comes at the end of Christmas Day?
The letter "Y"!
What do angry mice send to each other in December?
Cross mouse cards!
What did Adam say on the day before Christmas?
It's Christmas, Eve!
What's the best thing to give your parents for Christmas?
A list of everything you want!
What kind of Christmas tree comes from Hawaii?
"O Tanning Palms"!
Where do mistletoe go to become famous?
What did one Christmas light say to the other Christmas light?
You light me up!
A Christmas thought:
STRESSED is just DESSERTS spelled backward.
What do you get if you cross Santa with a detective ?
Tell your family and friends that you'll have more jokes for them next week!