Friday, December 2, 2011

LOTS of Christmas Jokes and Riddles

Here’s my strategy: I’m giving you lots of Christmas jokes and riddles now so you can tell them (over and over) for the next 3 weeks. Good idea, huh? As I often say – Funny is good!

  • What goes “oh, oh, oh”?
    Santa walking backwards!
  • When does Christmas come before Thanksgiving?
    In the dictionary!
  • What is Santa’s dog called?
    Santa Paws!
  • Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas?
    Santa Jaws!
  • What do you call Santa Claus when he doesn’t move?
    Santa Pause!
  • How do sheep greet each other at Christmas?
    A Merry Christmas to ewe!
  • What do you get if you cross an apple with a Christmas tree?
    A pineapple!
  • What kind of candle burns longer, a red candle or a green candle?
    Neither, candles always burn shorter!
  • What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?
  • What did the dog breeder get when she crossed an Irish Setter with a Pointer at Christmastime?
    A "pointsetter"!
  • What do sheep say to each other at Christmastime?
    Merry Christmas to ewe!
  • What do sheep say to shepherds at Christmastime?
    Season's Bleatings!
  • How do sheep say Merry Christmas in Mexico?
    Fleece Navidad!
  • How do Chihuahua's say Merry Christmas?
    Fleas Navidog!
  • What's the best thing to put into Christmas dinner?
    Your teeth!
  • Knock Knock.
    Who's there?
    Mary who?
    Mary Christmas!
  • A definition of Christmas:
    The time when everyone gets "Santa"-mental.
  • What’s red, white and blue at Christmas time?
    A sad candy cane!
  • Knock Knock.
    Who's there?
    Donut who?
    Donut open 'til Christmas!
  • What do you call an elf who steals gift wrap from the rich and gives it to the poor?
    Ribbon Hood!
  • What always comes at the end of Christmas Day?
    The letter "Y"!
  • What do angry mice send to each other in December?
    Cross mouse cards!
  • What's the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the ordinary alphabet?
    The Christmas alphabet has "no EL"!
  • What did Adam say on the day before Christmas?
    It's Christmas, Eve!
  • What happens if you eat too many Christmas decorations?
    You get "Tinsel"-itis!
  • What's the best thing to give your parents for Christmas?
    A list of everything you want!
  • Why is it so cold at Christmas?
    Because it's in Decembrrrr!
  • What kind of Christmas tree comes from Hawaii?
    "O Tanning Palms"!
  • What do wild animals sing at Christmastime?
    Jungle bells, jungle bells, jungle all the way!
  • What's the favorite Christmas Carol of new parents?
    Silent Night!
  • Why do Mummies like Christmas so much?
    Because of all the wrapping!
  • What is the best Christmas present in the world?
    A broken drum - you can't beat it!
  • What is green, covered with tinsel and goes ribbet ribbet?
  • Why do reindeer scratch themselves?
    Because they're the only ones who know where they itch!


I hope all the jokes you tell are funny!

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