Friday, February 10, 2012

50 Jokes for Valentine's Day

I may have gone a little crazy with the Valentine's jokes. There are so many of them! Some of the jokes are based on old songs. If you don’t get them, ask someone who’s older.

What did the caveman give his wife on Valentine's Day?
Ughs and kisses!

What did the boy sheep say to the girl sheep on Valentine’s Day?
I Love Ewe!

What did the stamp say to the envelope on Valentine’s Day?
I'm stuck on you!

What did the stamp say to the envelope on Valentine’s Day?
You send me!

Knock knock!
Who's there?
Frank Frank who?
Frank you for being my friend!

Knock knock!
Who's there?
Howard who?
Howard you like a big kiss?

What did the boy owl say to the girl owl on Valentine’s Day?
Owl be yours!

What do you call a very small Valentine's?
A Valentiny!

What did the boy squirrel say to the girl squirrel on Valentine's Day?
I'm nuts about you!

What did the girl squirrel say to the boy squirrel on Valentine's Day?
You're nuts so bad yourself!

Knock knock!
Who's there?
Sherwood who?
Sherwood like to be your valentine!

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Pooch who?
Pooch your arms around me, baby!

Why is lettuce the most loving vegetable?
Because it's all heart.

What is a vampire's sweetheart called?
His ghoul-friend.

Why did the banana go out with the prune?
Because it couldn't get a date.

What is a ram's favorite song?
I only have eyes for ewe, Dear

What is the difference between a girl who is sick of her boyfriend and a sailor who falls into the ocean?
One is bored over a man the other is a man overboard.

If your aunt ran off to get married, what would you call her?

Did Adam and Eve ever have a date?
No, but they had an apple.

What did the boy octopus say to the girl octopus?
I wanna hold your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand

What did the valentine card say to the stamp?
Stick with me and we'll go places!

What did the paper clip say to the magnet?
I find you very attractive.

What did the bat say to his girlfriend?
You're fun to hang around with.

What did one light bulb say to the other?
I love you a whole watt!

What did the elephant say to his girlfriend?
I love you a ton!

What did the chocolate syrup say to the ice cream?
I'm sweet on you!

What do farmers give their wives on Valentine's Day?
Hog and kisses!

Did you hear about the nearsighted porcupine?
He fell in love with a pin cushion!

What did the pencil say to the paper?
I dot my i's on you!

What did one pickle say to the other?
You mean a great dill to me.

Do skunks celebrate Valentine's Day?
Sure, they're very scent-imental!

Knock, Knock
Who's there?
Olive who?
Olive you!

What would you get if you crossed a dog with a valentine card?
A card that says, "I love you drool-ly!"

What did the painter say to her boyfriend?
"I love you with all my art!"

"Do you love me more than you love sleep?"
“ I can't answer now. It's time for my nap!"

What did the man with the broken leg say to his nurse?
"I've got a crutch on you!"

Did you hear about the romance in the tropical fish tank?
It was a case of guppy love.

What do you call two birds in love?

Why do valentines have hearts on them?
Because spleens would look pretty gross!

What is the most romantic city in England?

Did you hear the one about the phony Cupid?
He was totally bow-gus!

What happened when the man fell in love with his garden?
It made him wed his plants!

What does a carpet salesman give his wife for Valentine's Day?
Rugs and kisses!

What would you get if you crossed Cupid with a meat and vegetable dish?

Why did the kangaroo love the little Australian bear?
Because the bear had many fine koala-ties!

What did one piece of string say to the other?
"Be my valentwine!"

What did one fir tree say to the other?
"Be my valenpine!"

"I can't be your Valentine's for medical reasons."
"Yeah, you make me sick!"

What did one calculator say to the other?
"How do I love thee? Let me count the ways!"

Then there was the guy who promised his girlfriend a diamond for Valentine's Day.
So he took her to a baseball park!


I hope you make scads of people laugh with these jokes, including yourself!

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